It takes a lot of faith to graduate from school and leap into the wide world. Almost feels like my eyes are closed and I'm not sure what the ground under my feet is made of. And so, I dig my toes in...I get curious... Inhale, exhale, wait. wait. wait. What happens after the exhale? Panic!? It's taking so much longer than expected. There is stillness. Silence. Empty. And suddenly, without any thought or planning, a little breath comes in. I didn't do it! It just happened. I am breathed.
School ends. I get curious. I wait. wait. wait. What is happening? Where should I be? What should I do? Nothing. Happens. Stillness. Silence. I do a little thinking and sensing.
I'm realizing that the clearer I get about where I am now, in this exhale, the more room I make for the refreshing inhale when it does arrive. I listen inward. I sense the desire in my gut to continue to work deeply with clients who are looking for a sense of fulfillment, and my heart is expanding to work with clients who need to find more safety in their lives before they can strive for fulfillment. I sense my diaphragm and voice box stimulated, wanting to make a lot of music - on my own, and in collaboration. My hands want to get dirty, to grow a garden in my backyard... My legs and feet desire to walk on the earth, my arms desire to embrace warm bodies, my shoulders want to be light and free. Exhale. Slow down. The inhale will come, and I won't have to do a thing except receive it.
Yesterday I said my goodbye to my beloved colleagues at the Center for Somatic Psychotherapy, where I worked with clients as a therapist in training for just over a year. And today, I am embarking on the journey of building this website and this blog. It is a strange thing to be moving from the concrete realm of a community of people who are invested in the body and sensory awareness - and into the ether realm of the world wide web. It's strange to be typing away into the unknown, not even knowing if anyone will actually read this.
But for me it is an experience that is physical. And it is meaningful in my body. It's a time of transition for me between communities, between clients, between colleagues, and even between different articulations of my own body. And so, using the virtual world of the internet may be fitting in a way. Perhaps in this virtual realm, I can allow myself to disintegrate, let go, and transform - and also to reform, reintegrate and reinvent myself. This etheral place offers me a platform from which to jump back into the embodied experience of sitting with friends and clients through the journey of being in body.
The Center for Somatic Psychotherapy is currently located at 1119 Market St. It is a sliding scale clinic which is the training site for the Somatic Psychology students of the California Institute of Integral Studies. The therapists are supervised by licensed MFTs and form a supportive network of budding professionals who offer affordable body-centered counseling to the Bay Area public.
call 415-558-0880 for an intake
My life is my art and my music. My body is my vehicle. The deeper the sensing, the deeper the meaning.