I should be packing right now. But instead I am nervously trying to find distractions to the fact that I am leaving on a flight to Israel tomorrow afternoon. Writing seems to be the perfect way to stay in the present right now.
In the present I am between worlds. And though I have spent many years in Israel over the course of my life, being based in temperate, laid-back California is quite far from the middle-eastern hot-headed Israeli society. I am not simply traveling over oceans. I am traveling to a different part of my being.
I am going to the me that speaks a gutteral ancient language. The part of me that knows how to push in line. I am going to the part of me that isn't sure whether she belongs. The part of me who is learning to grieve my father's mental deterioration. I am going to the part of me that is being born for the first time in the eyes of old friends who haven't seen me in over a year. I am going to the part of me that wants to prove how far I've come. I am heading to the part of me who looks and sounds like all the rest, but feels so very different. I am going to another part of me that is loved by dear friends with whom I grew up and knew me as a soldier. I will be visiting a part of me that is deeply connected to the land and stories of the bible. The part of me who is living my own mythical life in the modern age of wireless internet access and instant global communication. The one who feels so close, but is so far. (I re-read that line and realized it's a line from a song I wrote about my father back in 2008 or so: Listen to it here. Wow, listening to this song, I can really hear how far I've come!!)
As small as the world feels right now, it is still vast. The space and time it takes to get from one side of the globe to the other on an airplane is nothing compared to the immense movement that happens inside. It will take my spirit some time to catch up with the 500 MPH of the plane.
And then I will be on stages on the other side of the world singing the same songs. My songs will have taken on wings - they will have new meaning for each new person that listens. And new meaning for me. Feels good to be releasing the first single of the new album this month - really stepping into the next phase of my musical expression.
My life is my art and my music. My body is my vehicle. The deeper the sensing, the deeper the meaning.