I didn't know
who I would become
when my heart burst out of my chest with longing
I only knew the urgency
of clenching raw red
pumping from that organ
letting that storm settle
over the dry rocky landscape
is my only regret
Take a moment to sit quietly and ask yourself: What is my heart's deepest need?
You will be surprised at the answer. And you will be surprised at how simple it is. You will be amazed at how easy it would be for you to give yourself a little bit of what you need - right now. It does not take much time or money to soothe an aching, yearning heart. But it does take intention. It takes waking up in the moment and being willing to be true to yourself. For only a moment be truly authentic with your heart and let it speak to you. It might be scary because you might worry that it will hurt to much to know how lonely or broken or tender your heart is. But that tender heart only needs a little of your attention to heal a little bit at a time.
Do this for a few moments in the safety of your home, bedroom or a place in nature where you feel grounded and supported.
Allow yourself a few moment or a few minutes to receive comfort from yourself.
This is the essence of all our healing work. We learn to give ourselves a little bit of what we are missing. A little bit at a time. And little by little, we find fullness and wholeness.
It is not a miracle.
It is a practice. It is a process. It is a commitment to self forgiveness and growth.
And it is the path.
Picture taken & poem written in Sonoma County (on Monan's Rill) on June 12th, 2017
Tree with a thousand faces
Body of a woman
Broken and worn
Curved to perfection
Hollow and whole
Your green belongs to another
But you wear it so majestically
Your skin is smooth and so much more
I see your ravaged insides
I remember mine
Legs wide open
Turning myself inside out
Are you rotting there my lady?
Are you alive?
Now only my heart aches
At the distance between myself
The lost ideal of a beautiful birth:
Sliding my baby out of my slippery passage
Into peaceful waters
And warm awaiting arms
By the life struggling inside me
Coming to my aide
Where are my angels?
Where are my guides?
How does spirit deliver soul into body?
Cut open and pulled
Out of a woman-made hole
We surfaced under the fluorescent lights
Stunned by silence
For the first 9 minutes of your life
I was numb for longer than that
Oh you long hollow bumpy stump of a tree
Bring me back to the mystery
Beneath your midsection something is hidden
I want you to hold me
Want to nuzzle up to your belly
And lose myself in your softness
Rest my head on your bosom
And hear your heartbeat
Ride on your hip and laugh wildly
(Just the way my baby uses my body)
And you can walk along with your curvy legs,
Sexy and lean
Like nothing ever happened
Like nothing ever died inside you
Like you are always the same as you were before
But I know you are more beautiful than ever
Exhausted and aching
Yonat Piva, MA, LMFT
I write about navigating the challenges of prenatal, postpartum, parenting & relationships. I believe we can inhabit our bodies with a renewed sense of fulfillment in being a human woman.